Shadowbanned by the Matrix.
DD 038 : The Invisible Becoming Seen
You ever have one of those days where the truth just... ambushes you?
Like, you’ve spent all this time building these elaborate stories, weaving complex justifications, sidestepping the obvious truth like it’s a pothole in your subconscious.
Then BOOM — clarity.
No soft launch. No easing in.
Just full-on “SURPRISE shawttttttaaaayyy!”
Meanwhile, I’m over ducking and diving away from it looking like
only to end up like this
Ain’t shit funny no more
Jk…
but in all seriousness…it hit me —
The very thing I resent most in others — how they don’t see me, how they use me, how they misunderstand me —
is actually the very story I’ve been gripping the tightest inside myself…
[See here]
I’ve worn it like a second skin.
"No one gets me."
"I'm too much."
"They only want what I can give."
Classic Coke bottle energy — shaken, not stirred.
Except, imagine the lid popping off in slow motion.
🫁 Deep breath.
Let’s begin there.
💭 The Thought Spiral
I've realized how much my body has been whispering to me about things I couldn’t name:
My breath’s been shallow.
Jaw locked.
Shoulders heavy.
But every time I express myself — really express myself —
I breathe deeper.
I speak slower.
My thoughts stop spinning just long enough for me to catch them in the act.
See, I always thought my biggest doubt was how I process life.
But actually — my greatest gift is how I experience it.
Through creativity.
Through expression.
Through destruction and rebuilding.
Through following breadcrumbs into the unknown and back again.
🌪️ Jupiter in Gemini: A Cosmic Home Invasion
So let’s talk transits for a second.
I’m a Pisces rising — Jupiter is my chart ruler.
And when it changes signs, I feel it viscerally.
This year?
Jupiter entered Gemini — my 4th house. The house of home, roots, foundation.
And listen… words don’t do it justice.
So please refer to the video montage below for a more accurate depiction of what my spirit has endured.
On, another note: BITCH, it was cold af this year frfr. And in my heart, and the world. But not anymore ;)
And shorty ROCKED. MY. SH*T.
He kicked in the door like,
“Hey girl, just so you know… that foundation you built?
And we all know how that goes down (see here)
Anyways, i’m good now. frfr.
But real talk?
As this transit wraps up, I see it now:
Jupiter’s not punishing me.
He’s reminding me that my foundation was never built on certainty —
It was built on faith.
And I was on an assignment of transmuting pain into portals.
🎓 From Scholar to Student Again
I have natal Jupiter in the 9th house —
The house of higher learning, philosophy, publishing, spiritual work.
So this whole journey felt like a cosmic “gotcha!”
A divine joke with a punchline only I’d get a year later.
But it’s been a masterclass in what I truly value:
Not perfection. Not performance.
But truth. Expression. Joy. Beauty. Ease.
And yet…
When I didn’t post my Devotion Diary video today,
I spiraled.
All that work — wasted?
No. Just a test.
Because the real fear wasn’t visibility —
It was vulnerability.
It’s not just that people might see me.
It’s that they might misunderstand me.
Criticize my frameworks. Misquote my thoughts.
Drag my typos. Mislabel my density.
But more than that —
They might validate my deepest fear:
That I’m only worthy if I’m useful.
🎯 The Real Enemy
Turns out, it’s not people who are the problem.
It’s the systems.
The structures.
The “rules” for how we’re told to show up, succeed, share.
I’ve spent so long trying to avoid being used…
That I didn’t notice how I’ve used myself.
Overworked. Overthought. Over-adapted.
So today I made a new vow:
✨ To stop building shields and start building sanctuaries.
✨ To stop bracing for backlash and start inviting resonance.
✨ To stop fearing doubt — and start treating it like my Virgo bestie whispering, “You can do better, babe.”
🧠 Mind vs. Magic
When my mind is in hyperdrive, I don’t calm it with stillness.
I give it assignments.
I let it build.
That’s how I create safety: through making.
And now, I’ve built a whole world around that process:
My content. My client work. My daily life rituals.
Each one a communication channel —
Not just to others,
but to myself.
And you know what?
I love it here.
I love how I work.
How I express.
How I experience.
So why hide it?
Why not share the joy?
🪞The Truth That Hit Me Today
When I create freely — without overthinking, without micromanaging — I access magic.
When I build from what’s real for me, everything aligns.
When I let others see me — not the polished version, but the tangled, raw, humming version — I become less afraid of myself.
Turns out, comparison isn’t the biggest thief of joy.
It’s doubt.
But when I meet her with faith?
She becomes my compass.
💌 Devotion Prompt:
What invisible story are you still holding onto…
that’s quietly shaping how you show up?
Write it down.
Name it.
Then decide if it still gets to stay.
Because this is the era of being seen.
Not just by others.
But by you.
With love,
— Devotion Diaries 💌