Speaking My Way Back to Life

Welcome to 'How Do I Explain This' – A Stream of Consciousness Podcast 🎙

Nov 21, 2024

📞 Hello? It’s Me, Reclaiming My Voice 📞

First off, happy Sagittarius season! This is the season of freedom, exploration, and aiming for the stars (literally, hello, archers 🏹).

With my Sagittarius Midheaven sitting in my 10th house, it’s no surprise my life’s work and public presence revolve around sharing big ideas, connecting people, and leaning into curiosity and growth. This season has me embracing that energy fully—big dreams, messy execution, and trusting that my people will find me when I show up authentically.

This year, one of the hardest lessons I’ve faced has been around loneliness. But in true Sagittarius style, I’ve turned that challenge into an opportunity to explore, create, and grow.

And that’s exactly what this post (and podcast) is about: showing up, processing life in real-time, and inviting you all into the world I’m building :)

Straight to Voicemail: The Silence That Hit Hard

Loneliness has been a recurring theme for me this year. Every time it hit, it forced me to ask myself: What is this feeling trying to teach me? And Y’ALL—I think I’ve finally figured it out.

Growing up in a house filled with big personalities and main character energy, I was never truly alone. There was always chatter, random conversations, yelling across rooms—it was chaotic, loud, and full of life.

Fast forward to this summer: living alone, navigating solitude, and spending most of the year in what felt like a bubble. The silence hit hard. I wasn’t used to the stillness or the sound of only my own thoughts echoing through the quiet. I had to find meaning and connection in my daily life just to keep loneliness at bay.

No, I wasn’t talking to my fruits or creating imaginary friends (yet), but I realized what I missed most was simple: speaking. Sharing the wild ideas in my head and processing them out loud.

When I hit my lowest point, my mind raced with ideas, and my head pounded with the weight of unspoken words. Without a way to express them, my loneliness deepened and triggered a depressive episode. It felt suffocating, like my voice didn’t matter anymore.

Mic Check 1,2…Is this Thing On?

Recording those audio notes was a lifeline. It wasn’t perfect, but it was real. I didn’t worry about making sense; I just spoke from the heart. And suddenly, the loneliness eased. I felt alive again, connected to myself and the world.

That’s how "How Do I Explain This" was born, and new avatar was unlocked - 2mannytakes.

This podcast is my way of sharing what I’m experiencing as I’m experiencing it. It’s messy, vulnerable, and raw, but it’s also incredibly freeing. For years, I’d catch myself saying, “Does that make sense?” after rambling my thoughts to others. It was my way of apologizing for being too much, too scattered.

Now, I’m reclaiming that voice. I’m giving myself permission to process out loud, to share ideas as they come, and to let go of perfectionism.

Can You Hear Me Now?: The Meaning Behind the Series Name

The name itself holds so much meaning for me. For years, I’d catch myself saying, “Does that make sense?” after rambling my thoughts to others. It was my way of apologizing for being too much, too scattered, or too “out there.”

This series is my way of reclaiming that voice—the one I’ve often silenced or second-guessed. It’s about processing what I’m experiencing as I’m experiencing it, instead of waiting to package it into something neat and polished.

It’s messy, raw, and vulnerable. It’s me sharing my ideas, emotions, and experiences out loud, in real-time.

And the title? It’s a reminder to embrace the imperfection of my thoughts. "How Do I Explain This" is a reflection of my curiosity, my scattered-yet-beautiful mind, and my journey to make sense of the world and my place in it.

Hotline SPARK: Building My Inner Tech Stack

Creativity has always been my lifeline this year.

It’s how I process emotions, express myself, and stay connected to what matters.

That’s where SPARK came in.

SPARK is my internal tech stack—a system I built to navigate the overwhelm, urgency, and burnout that often come with being neurodivergent. It’s helped me rebuild my inner world and express it outwardly.

Here’s the SPARK breakdown:

S: Stillness = Your server, the foundation where everything processes.
P: Play = Your sandbox, a space to experiment and explore without pressure.
A: Artistry = Your front-end framework, how you express your inner world outwardly.
R: Rhythm = Your API, syncing your mind and body through movement, breathwork, and music.
K: Kindness = Your support system, the routines and self-care that keep everything running.

This system helped me understand my loneliness and turn it into something meaningful. It’s how I’ve been able to share my voice vulnerably and reclaim the freedom to express myself fully.

Group Chat Energy: Welcome to 2MannyWorlds

This podcast is just one piece of my creative world, 2MannyWorlds:

2MannyTakes: My vocalized thoughts and streams of consciousness (this series!).
2MannyThoughts: My written reflections, insights, and learnings (here, on Substack!)
2MannyMoves: My creative expressions through visuals, movement, and storytelling on IG :)

Each avatar represents a piece of my journey, showing how I process, create, and connect in different ways.

Together, they form the world I’m building—a world where creativity, curiosity, and connection take center stage.

Call Me, Beep Me, If You Wanna Reach Me

Check out the first episode of "How Do I Explain This" on Spotify and YouTube. A quick note:

There’s cursing.
The audio quality is alright.
Lower the volume because I squeal and change tones like a chaotic DJ set.

This series is meant to feel like listening to a friend on the phone, sharing their thoughts while doing daily life. It’s real, raw, and full of heart.

I can’t wait to hear your thoughts.

Let’s talk—share your ideas, your own train of thought, or what resonated with you in the comments. Let’s create, grow, and learn together.

2MannyBops

A declaration of vibes for the day—a playlist-worthy pick that slaps harder than your Wi-Fi cutting out mid-Zoom call.

For today’s bop, check out my latest mix! It’s giving tech house, very untz untz, and completely up my alley.

Fun fact: the tech house scene is currently dominated by male (and often white) DJs, so naturally, I feel right at home here (#womeninmalefields vibes).

I love inserting myself into spaces that need more diverse faces. Sorry to the frat bros, but I hope you enjoy this one as much as I enjoyed making it! 🎶✨

Manny’s Substack

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