To the Deep End, With Love

Devotion Diaries 036: The Shallow End Is No Longer Home

Jun 03, 2025

🖤 What Is Love – Haddaway

Nothing feels better than recognizing the thing that’s been keeping you stuck.

Today, I had that moment. My heart was full—not from checking all the boxes or finally getting my life together—but because I saw the truth behind the pressure.

For weeks, I’ve been obsessed with getting everything "just right": systems, schedules, structures. Normally, this kind of order-making fills me with joy.

But this time… it didn’t.

That’s how I knew something deeper was underneath.

💿 Silence (John Summit Remix) - Delerium, Sarah McLachlan

I killed my June planning, but what did it cost?

Once I locked in and shut the world out, I was met with something unexpected: vulnerability.

It felt eerily familiar—like last summer, when loneliness and stillness came to visit like seasonal ghosts. But unlike then, this wave didn’t drown me. It washed something clear.

This wasn’t collapse. It was preparation.

The space I carved out wasn’t empty. It was sacred.

🎶 Only Human - Kaskade

Loneliness used to mean I was broken. Now I see it means I’m becoming.

Summers used to be brutal. Overwork. Burnout. Marketing campaigns stacked like bricks on my chest.

But this year feels different. Like summer 2016—when I remembered who I was without the performance.

And, today I paused mid-pitch deck at 7:30PM like girl, what are you doing? I paused, did a body scan. Breathed.

But also running. Making myself busy. Mental overload. And when that happens? It’s always because I’m avoiding something deeper.

Hyperfixation was my mask. Avoidance in disguise.

🌀 Underwater – RÜFÜS DU SOL

The deep end is scary... until you remember you can float.

Let me paint a picture: you’re at the edge of a pool. It dips into the deep. You slip, go under, panic.

Your instincts kick in. The skills you built surface.

At first, messy. But then—you rise. Each time faster. Stronger.

It’s scary, yes. But exhilarating too. Because now you know you can come back up.

🧬 You & Me (Flume Remix) – Disclosure

Love doesn’t have to drown you. It can be the hand that lifts you higher.

For so long, I saw relationships as distractions. Things that pulled me off track. People I had to shrink around. But now, I know better.

The right people don’t take you away from yourself. They bring you back to yourself. I am not too much.

I am not too ambitious. I’m not at risk of losing myself—I’m finally capable of holding myself.

I can love deeply and lead powerfully. I can soften without collapsing.

💘 Call on Me - Eric Prydz

I refuse to spend my life wading in the shallow end.

Some people will stay in the shallow water forever. It’s familiar. It’s safe. It’s... predictable. They’ll convince themselves it’s enough.

But I’ve tasted the deep end—and I’m not going back. Sure, I’ve had close calls. (January wrecked me.)

But each time I surfaced stronger.

Clearer.

Braver.

And when I come up, I laugh. I say, “let’s do it again.” Yeah, I’m that girl.

“So now, I don’t see relationships as distractions. I see them as lifeguards. Mirrors. Lighthouses. Reminders that I don’t have to do it all alone.”

The biggest risk you’ll ever take is believing in yourself—daily.

And the biggest reward? Real, nourishing relationships that don’t dim you.

That love you because of your intensity, not in spite of it.

So yeah... I’m diving headfirst into this next season. No more shallow end.

And maybe it’s finally time for that swim lesson, too. 🏊🏾‍♀️💫

With wild devotion,

2mannythoughts